I’m a young man in a relationship and I just don’t know how to function in it sometimes.
They say that men are the go getters, the providers but I don’t feel like I’m providing enough both for myself and for my other half.
I feel drained.
I feel useless.
And that’s only because of the stresses of society.
I don’t think anyone understands me, I mean..
I don’t even think I understand myself.
Society expects us men to be strong, they expect us to show no emotion because we’re meant to be externally and internally strong.
They don’t understand that we like females have emotions too.
We are not trash.
Some of us have been through a lot and I’m not saying that’s an excuse but..
Some men aren’t trash yet the label still gets put on us.
I give my all to my girlfriend.
She’s my world.
But sometimes I feel like she doesn’t know that.
Because I shut off.. and I don’t know why.
I just hope that one day, I finally get the chance to understand myself.
So that she can understand me too.
“This is a man’s world, but it would be nothing. nothing, without a woman or a girl.”
James Brown’s voice rang through my ears and struck a nerve somewhere in my temporal lobe.
I couldn’t help but wonder then, why does my own man not allow me into his world?
Young, wild and free. At our age we are two lovers fuelled by the blurred lines between lust and love, magnetised through mutual curiosity and burning with youthful passion.
Recipe for disaster and a recipe for success.
It’s all about growth.
I don’t have it all figured out and neither does he. I don’t expect him to!
He says he feels drained.
He says he feels useless.
But that’s down to society’s pressures. Not me!
He says no one understands him. No one understands me either.
I barely understand myself at times. And that’s okay, you know?
No one will fully ever understand another human.
No one will ever fully understand themselves. That’s my theory anyway.
We are constantly evolving and growing.
Society expects men to be strong, so much where we forget that they have emotions.
They’re human, not robots. I must admit, that I too, sometimes forget that men feel.
But how am I supposed to remember when they refuse to show it?
Like, what have I got to do to get him to talk to me?
To trust in me?
Society continues to scream at him that emotions are feminine, they make you vulnerable.
Well I think that’s a load of crap.
Being in tune with your emotions exercises a form of control over them.
Men are not vulnerable or weak or ‘gay’ for expressing their softer emotions; in fact, they’re STRONG, for going against the grain.
Men hide their pain. The only emotion society seems to accept from them is anger.
I do chuckle to myself when I see, “men are trash” tweets sprawled across my timeline, it’s hilarious.
Sometimes I think it’s deeper than just banter though.
The labelling theory is applicable and it’s dangerous to just lump and group all men into one category, stripping their individuality.
Still, I find myself giggling as I retweet yet another anti-men tweet, thinking, “at least my man ain’t trash.”
I know I am loved by him.
I feel it.
He shows it.
Even when he ‘shuts down’ and shuts me out, even when his embrace goes cold and he retreats back into his shell of silence – I know he does care for me.
I still hope one day he will understand that I don’t seek perfection from him, despite my nagging and the petty arguments.
I just want us to journey together. Face life together.
I just hope that one day, he understands himself better.
So I can understand him more too.
James Brown’s voice fades to silence and I continue to drown myself in my thoughts…
“Oh how, how a man needs a woman
I sympathise with the man that don’t have a woman
He’s lost in the wilderness
He’s lost in bitterness
He’s lost in loneliness”
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